MAJOR meltdown

This new season on my life is so UP and DOWN

Let's start with "working out"

I have tried...

abs...the six pack

legs...dancers

buns...of steel

arms...that rock

blah...blah...blah..

I have been trying...but...they AREN'T any fun!

Fast forward....

I had a MAJOR melt down this week...on the golf course, no less

I purchased this cute new out fit...yes, you CAN be cute on the golf course

and YES...it was a skirt/dress thingy

my PREFERRED wardrobe!

Anyhoo...I had asked David to take a few pictures of me golfing so I could have them for

our "first golf game" in Texas

Well he did...and I look at them to see if he got a good shot...SADNESS

my hips looked huge and my legs...well let me just say

I DELETED them all, and proceeded to cry.

Of course David couldn't figure out what was wrong with me...

MENOPAUSE???

He thought I was upset about my golf game :)

Come on now...I keep score with smiley faces or sad faces...

I finally said, my legs are ugly and I look fat in my new outfit...

at this point...he should have said, "No you don't honey, you are beautiful and you look great!"

but he didn't...why?

Because he had ALREADY told me that AT LEAST 4 times that morning, and everyday for that matter

and since he had already told me this, he just figured, I wasn't listening to him

what can you say?? I am crazy :)

Well I continue to fight the tears as we played on.

I manage to pull myself together. I AM beautiful to my husband and to my Heavenly Father!

Note...I am looking for a new "cute outfit" for the next game :)

So, as i am relfecting on my emotional...menopausal...reaching middle age...new season...

I am discovering....NOTHING!

not really :)

When it gets bads for me...it is usually a heart issue.

When I am feeling unsettled on the outside...needing a change...new hair style...

new color....wardrobe change....

for me that is usually and indication that something is NOT right on the inside.

Trying to change the outside, when it is the inside, won't bring peace and contentment

I realize, I am feeling a bit disconnected from God.

changes, moves, trying to find a church here, a place to serve, a place to belong...

it is a hard season

But I was encouraged by my daughter this week and what she shared in her blog

...beauty comes from the hard places

I know I am beautiful and fruitfulness will come out of this season in my life, as long as I am connected to the Vine, Jesus

So this season of change....brings me back to the simpler times

I am renewing my worship time, with old worship music...Ron Kenoly, Don Moen, Morris Chapman

I am renewing my study time, with just the word

There is so much out there to learn and grow from, I was feeling scattered...

so for now, just the word!

I am excited about the simple quiet time I get with the Lord.

He quiets my spirit, and speaks words of love over me...

He loves me, oh how He loves me!

 

Back to the WORK OUT

I am NOT going to have buns of steel or a six pack...it just isn't in me

I know I can do all thing through Christ...but i also know, that everything ISN'T for me

what is for me?

ZUMBA

where have you been all my life, and why have I waited so long to try you?

I love dancing

I was in tap, ballet and jazz as a child

on a dance team

and was a "Pommie"

(Pom Pom for the older generation and Spirit Line for the younger)

It is fun and I enjoy it!

I have also added Yoga to my healthier life style and am still juicing

So....all of that to say...

I don't know I forgot already??

not really,

God is faithful and His love for me is amazing, through every season and change, He brings me joy

even in the hard places.

So maybe it is time to change things up...

what fruit is going to come out of this new season???

I can't wait to see

 



Adventures in shopping

My life this week...or adventures :)

The weather has been beautiful here, so I have ventured out to find some walking paths...

I found a park not to far away, but no sidewalk to travel on until you get there, so it was a little dangerous getting there, but I made it.

 Here is the park, I plan on spending a lot of time here.

I will also take a picture when all the leaves turn green and share it!

 On Wednesday, I went to work with David so I could take the truck and go exploring...

First up, Goodwill.

The Goodwill's in Texas are NOT the same as in Arizona.

They say EVERYTHING is bigger in Texas...

not Goodwill's

SADNESS :(

I did manage to find a few cute things.

I also found 2 more thift stores...

I gotta say, I was looking forward to new thrifting experiences, but

I guess I will have to keep looking??

Then the AMAZING 99 cent store, is not ONLY 99 cents and they

sell alcohol???

(dont worry, I didnt buy any!)

One thing I DO LOVE about Texas....SWEET TEA! It is everywhere you go! Yum

I do limit myself to only one a week!

 

  We did find a few antique stores and I had to buy the little mason jar.

Isn't it sooo cute? I put the nail polish bottle next to it so you can see how small it is.

ANDDDDD it was made in Texas!

 I also found these little treasure. You may say...WHY????

I just love the way they have aged and I have a wonderful project to use them for,

maybe another blog someday :)

 Oh no, how did this handsome face get in my blog??

Just missing his face, and he sent me a this picture that brighten my day!

For those of you who don't know, this is Tyler my oldest son, who moved to Idaho last summer.

He loves it there, happy for him, sad for me.

I will get to see his handsome face, and hear his amazing laugh in person, in just a few short weeks

YIPEEEEE

 

Spring is in the air here

and that MAKEs ME HAPPY!

 

Ok, I have to get back to the whole shoe thing...and a few more issues I am having

I went to the mall today to try and find a cute, but comfortable pair of sandals.

A pair that I can do my walking in, and wear my skirts with (remember my PREFERRED wardrobe)

well...2 1/2 hours later...nada...nothing...zippo :(

I know shocking isn't it?

So...I was at the mall...I HAD to buy something, right???

NOPE!!!

I look, tried on, went to almost everystore. I even let someone put make up on ONLY one side

of my face, and she tried EVERYTHING to get me to purchase it.

She told me my husband would say I was beautiful

Silly girl, he tells me that all the time, with or without make.

Yes, I am blessed with a wonderful husband!

But one sided makeup face, does NOT stop me for searching for something

to make me feel pretty

but.. ZIPPO

I EVEN had a gift card, THAT IS FREE MONEY TO BLOW PEOPLE

Why you say?

Well since I am in my forties(read previous blog) it seems there are NO CLOTHING styles out there for me.

I mean, come on...Have any of you, close to my age found it hard to shop?

We either have to shop way too trendy or junior sections,

unless you can afford Macy or Dillard, which I can't

So that leaves me...teeny boppers or old lady clothes

It is all very sad :(

Maybe I should find some people to start an affordable clothing line for women over 40,

but not 80????

Well since I couldn't find anything to buy, and I was getting a little depressed

about the clothing thing and the "over 40 and menopause" weight.

I had to do SOMETHING to feel pretty...

So, what can you do but stop at Target and pick up some new pink nail polish!

Awww, yep I feel much better, and a little pretty.

So these are just a few of my adventures this week :)



His ways are higher

I have alot of thoughts wondering around my head tonight.

Thoughts of my family

Thoughts of God's faithfulness

Thoughts of God's protection

Thoughts of God's perfect plan for all of us

Thoughts of how God's ways are not our ways, and His ways are so much higher than ours

 

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” declares the Lord.

 “For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways
And My thoughts than your thoughts.

 Isaiah 55:8-9

 

I am thankful that God's thoughst are not my thoughts...mine are imperfect...and sometimes I am very hard on myself and selfish

My thoughts...have EVERYTHING planned out

I am thankful that my ways are not God's way...mine are limited and at times foolish

His ways are higher....For the greater of everyone!

His thoughts are ALWAYS full of love for me and knowing what is BEST and what the whole picture is about...

 This is my wonderful parents and my three children( picture was from 2 years ago).

But I wanted to post it, because of what God is doing in my parents life.

My kids are very close to their grandparents and I love that they share the same faith, and

have some great memories of those times and are continuing to create them.

 

We don't always know the whys...but we know the WHO!

 

 

 

 So this is what has happened...Dad had knee replacement surgery, which revealed issues in his back.  So he finds himself pretty much immobile with dependence on help from my mom and a walker.

 

 Now anyone who knows my dad, knows his passion for fishing. The man retired at

Roosevelt Lake. But now...he is unable to go...

Isn't he cute with his pistol :)

 

 He has to have physical therapy in Phoenix... he needs a place to stay...Courtney moves home... we go to Texas...etc... all part of God's plan, to be able to get Dad's attention...

 AND BOY DOES HE HAVE IT!

But he is now "counting it all joy" because of this time of recovery, he has been reunited with Jesus in a new and fresh way, and it is AMAZING!! and part of this blessing, is that he is sharing this newness with my daughter, while he stays at our house for his physical therapy.

They have been having wonderful conversation about the Lord!

My dad has said, that although he wishes the pain was gone, and he could walk on his own, he knows that this has led him back to where he needs to be. He wouldn't change that!

 

God's ways are higher!!

 

This is my beautiful mom!

She is so thankful, encouraged and challenged by what is happening in my dad.

 

So while we don't always understand why something happens, or even what we are suppose to do during these times...I have to always remember God's ways are higher than mine!

 

Of course this story will continue, because when our lives are changed by God...

It doesn't stop there...

As we shine our light and share the Good News, other are changed too!

Always a bigger picture than we can know or fathom!

I am a result of this and so are you!

Someone spoke into my life, someone prayed for me, circumstances...His ways...set my life into

motion to find Him!

Pretty Amazing!

 

 My thoughts tonight...  why else am I/we here in Texas?

I am excited about finding out what God has for us here...

to be continued...

 

Shoes..supportive...or cute...or beautiful...

Ok, so you all know that my bike was stolen, and it was a very sad day for me :( remember, tears, sobs, snot, ugly face..ect

Well there is another reason for my sadness, that I have discovered since I am "afoot" now.

Shoes!        Cute Outfit!    Accessories!

I love shoes, and I love wearing cute outfits, and I like to accessorize. I have always been a thrift store shopper and redesigner of these treasures since I was a teen. Oh the fun! So naturally, I WANT TO WEAR these wonderful treasure I find and recreate.

Here is where the problem is now...

Walking vs Biking

While riding my bike around, I could still wear my cute shoes and outfits, which it almost ALWAYS a skirt, my preferred wardrobe, or a dress!

And YES, I wore them proudly while riding my bike. How do you say? with bike shorts underneath. Now I am in my forties, so don't worry, I don't wear short skirts :) had you all scared there for a minute.

But walking....well since I am in my hmmm... in my forties, I have to wear the supportive tennies to help with my back. And that my friends is just plain SADNESS!

 Seriously, these tennies...

 or these loverly little flats?

which by the way are Rocket Dogs, one of my fav brands!

 Would you rather walk around in jeans and tennies?

or a cute skirt and flats?

 

Note: I didn't take full pics, one because I can't by myself with just an iphone and two, because I was still in my jammies on the top half :) I am sure the neighbors in the RV park think I am a little weird, but oh...I am!

 

So there is my dilema...comfortable walking shoes, verses cute shoes and when it comes right down to it, feeling feminine. I just never feel like a girl in my jeans, I feel like I look like my brothers, but give me a skirt, or dress and Oh....yes...I feel like a WOMEN...(do you hear Shania Twain singing now?)

Anyways...my shoes/feet my be a problem to me...but something I do know is they are Beautiful!

 

 

How beautiful on the mountains
are the feet of those who bring good news,
who proclaim peace,
who bring good tidings,
who proclaim salvation,
who say to Zion,
“Your God reigns!”

Isaiah 52:7

I desire to bring good news, the Good News, that Jesus SAVES, that Jesus Loves, that Jesus forgives!

Have a lovely day...in your shoes!

New Journey

Well the journey of “the Bike” is no more. It happened, on what should have been a wonderful day…our next adventure…Texas, but no… it was a “not so wonderful” morning. My/our bikes were stolen L Sadness, I mean SADNESS, there were tears, sobbing, snot…just plain old sadness….

Well, now maybe it will just be…Tracie’s Life Today…without a bike L

Ok enough whining. We have arrived in Texas, where we will be for the next 5 months. We are staying in Arlington, and Dave is building a Red Robin in Fort Worth.

So today I will share about what I did, and a few things I have discovered in my 3 weeks of being in Texas

Today, I journeyed my farthest in my "walking adventures" 2  miles to JoAnn's

 

 I show this picture of my feet for a reason. I guess Texans don't walk much. I mean, there will be a side walk for a while, then none. I have tried different routes, but they all end up the same... no side walks. I have also yet to find any bike lanes, so I don't think they ride bikes either. And since they aren't use to people walking around here, I have to be EXTREMELY careful when crossing street, even if there is a "WALK" sign. (You might want to pray for me)

 Did I mention I walked to JoAnn's? Well I found "all things pink" ! I can't wait to dive into my projects.

 Something wonderful about Texas...Sweet Tea...Everybody has it...I have to limit myself to one a week. We started a "life style" change and right now we are juicing ( that is a whole other blog...maybe? )

 

 Here is a picture of where we are staying. TreeTop RV Park.

 It is wonderful and I can't wait for all these trees to get their leaves. It will be beautiful. It is a quiet park, tucked into an older neighborhood. You would never know, that just a few blocks away is a Target (for those of you who know me...you can picture me doing the "Yes" just like Macaulay Culkin in Home Alone :) and a half mile away is a Mall, with all the essentials...JC Penny's, Forever 21, Sephora.... you get the picture and then 2 miles away the JoAnn's and a Hobby Lobby, and EVERY restaurant you can imagine.

 

Our home away from home.

 Ok back to the restaurants. I know I said we are doing a "life style" change, we are but, we are also giving ourselves Sundays to explore the various cruisines here. What I found so far in Texas is they don't use alot of utensils or plates for that matter. We have eaten off sheet of paper. And I don't know if Texas sit anywhere but benches and long community picnic tables.

I have also discovered that there ARE NOT Starbucks on every corner here, but there is some type of BbQ place on every corner.

So another season...another journey...I am not sure what it all holds for me, and being in the city is very different from the rural part of Wisconsin we were last year. What I do know, is that God has a purpose and plan and I am excited to find out what that is.

"For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill His good purpose."

Philippians 2:13

God knows you!

September 27, 2012 by tracierose

I just recieved a text from my son, well it isn’t just a text it is a recording of him singing. He has recorded himself singing along to a Garth Brooks song that was a favorite of his when he was younger. I laughed, but I also cried. Why cry? Because… he thought of me, and knew that would make me smile. He knew that I had fond memories of him singing the song, so loud and non stop. He knew me. It made me think of other times my children have blessed me. While out hunting my other son sent me a picture of a grove of Aspen trees, and said “I thought of you when I saw these”. Then there was the time my daughter sent me a picture of her sweet face and said “Hello” and then a picture of her view while sitting on a blanket at the park. (Knowing I would know, she was spending time with Jesus) and knowing I would enjoy that too. The wonderful part of all these memories and spontaneous text, is that…”they know me”. and that gets me everytime. Why? because we all want to be known. Even if we try to hide at times, hide our hearts, hide our failures, our hopes or dissappointments, we all want to be KNOWN. But they can’t know me unless they have LISTENED first.
As I sit here in the joy of my kids knowing me and each speaking to a different aspect of my life I am made aware that this is truly how God is. He desires to ‘know” us. He desires to be a part of every aspect of our life. He already knows everything about us. Our fears, dissapointements, our hopes and dreams. The secret we may try and keep hidden. We long to be ‘known” for how we are, yet we still try and hide part of ourselves. But God already knows, He is just waiting for us to allow Him into that part of our lives, and when we do. WOW! God listens to us and if we continue that relationship pretty soon, we will know He knows us. All we have to do is look around. What do you see? What do you feel? What is happening around you? Do you see the beautiful rain clouds, do you feel the warmth of the sun on your skin, do you smell the wonder of a flower? Do you see the smile on a friends face? Do you here the laughter of a child? When we beleive God wants to know us intimately, our eyes are opened to everything around us and we see, that is had always been there and His love is so great that He is saying, “Look my daughter, look what I did for you, look what I created for you, come here and listen to the wind blowing through the breeze, look at the clouds I created, look at the changing of the leaves from summer to fall, Listen to the words of love I speak over you.”
But there is more, He also wants us to “know” Him. That is what a relationship is about. As much as we desire to be “known” God placed that in our hearts and He is the only one that can truly know us, and fulfill that part of us. He calls us to come away with Him.
Just as my children have spoken to me on my different delights, that is how God is with us. He loves us each so uniquely. Equally, yet uniquely.
God desires to be “known” by us and to “know” us. It is so simply yet, the most deep experience you can have. Just as my children have listened to me, I desire to listen to God, and I know He listens to me.
This has also encouraged me to be a better listener in all aspects of my life.
Thank you God for your gentleness and sweetness. Thank you that you “know” me and that you show me it sometimes by the simple things, like a song, a picture or a smile. The “knowing” part is truly just an aspect of your love. Thank you

Backing up a bit

July 25, 2012 by tracierose

I was reminded this week by my daughter, that my stories, my heart, have been an encouragement to her and to others. She said that because I/we have shared our lives, our stories, our victories and our failures with our children, they have learned how to walk with God. Well let me just let her tell you. Here is a quote from and email she wrote me/us.
“Your stories (the funny, and the deep, and the failures and the victories) have
showed me how to walk. Without them, I wouldn’t really know how to walk in God’s truth…I would hear it,
but never see it. So thank you for sharing your hearts with your children.
Because you have, your children will live in your victories, not failures.” Courtney Rose
Pretty powerful, huh? I am amazed at her insight. I am thankful that she sees the progress in our lives. I am humbled that I got to be the one to help her find Jesus.
But what a powerful statement, “they will live in our victories and not our failures.” Isn’t that what we want for our kids? Ok, more on that later.
She also mentioned some of the silly stories, and the songs her dad has written. All a part of who we are.
That made me think…My journey really isn’t beginning now.I may be in a new journey, or a new season, a new chapter in my life. But my journey began a long time ago. And all those stories, victories and failures has made me into the person I am today. I can’t leave all of that out. I would be leaving “me” out if I did.
So thank you, my little Miss Courtney for the words of encouragement!
So I will share the victories, failures, hopes, dreams, silly stories, because all of these are who I am and what is in my heart.
A heart that longs to know God. A heart that desires to live for Jesus everyday. A heart that needs the intimated fellowship of the Holy Spirit.
So I will be “backing up a bit” and share a life and a journey to know God.

The Journey begins...continued

July 17, 2012 by tracierose

Many years have passed since that vision of the church in Dewey; pastoring, resigning the ministry to get our own home in order, moves, exploring new churches, raising our children (all who are AMAZING, more on them later) and experiencing God in new ways, and much, much growth. Did I mention growth? yes, MUCH MUCH growth!
During this season of our lives, our hearts felt called to reach men. We believe they are the key to reaching this world, the families. To help marriages that are struggling. To encourage those who are struggling with their faith.
But our dream of travel were never far from our thoughts. But now our hearts are stirred in a different direction, maybe it is not the physical building up of churches we will be doing, but the spiritual building up. Maybe it is the small churches still who need help, yet in a different way. A pastor, with limited resources. A family that is new in their faith. A church trying to impact their community. A couple who is struggling in their marriage. A man who needs to understand the significance of his life. A wife who needs a godly man to be her protector, provider and encourager. A daughter who need the love and protection of her father. A son who needs a godly example of what a real man looks like. That is what burns in my heart now. I can’t seem to escape from this. The father, covering, protecting, providing and guiding his family. The how and where to minister this kind of hope is still the question.
God has supplied the truck, the fifth wheel, our children have all moved out and are beginning their new journeys. God has also supplied the means of support by the way of a job that does some traveling. My husband Dave works for a wonderful christian man, who has blessed us beyond what we could have imagined.
So here we are…looking, seeking and waiting for direction, the next step. SO much has happened for me from that first vision of that church in Dewey to now. Here I am, willing but also trying to master feeling of inadequacy; the thought of “who am I” and “what do I have to offer?” yet the Love of God burns in my heart and the knowledge of what a key role a man/husband/father plays in the life of his family is never far from my thoughts.
I am truly amazed at God’s provision for all of this. My God is AMAZING.
So I’ll wait. We will seek and listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit for what God has for us in this new season of our lives.
The journey begins…..

The Journey begins

July 9, 2012 by tracierose

The journey begins….well let me back up a little. I remember it vividly. We went for a drive, and we ended up in Dewey and that is where “it” happened for me. As I close my eyes now, I can see the small church, the new building in progress, the dirt, then the RV sitting slightly behind the church. Something in my heart longed to be there, to help this small church build. The RV was a group of people, MAPS they call them, that travel around and help build churches through the Assemblies of God. Now I am not a builder, by no means, but I am married to one. He could build, I could help and we could travel and help these small churches. We both got the vision, a seed was planted, that would be germinating for some time, until the soil was ready. That was about 17 years ago….

The Bike

July 2, 2012 by tracierose

My bike. Just saying it makes me smile. I don’t think I have ever been so excited for ” one thing” before! But when I decided I wanted a bike, the joy couldn’t be contained. Who doesn’t like to feel the wind through their hair, freedom of gliding along, and the smells of nature in the air? That is what it is like when I ride my bike. As soon as I start peddling, a smile comes across my face, and it doesn’t go away. What is it? Even the very first ride on my bike, I laughed all the way through it. Mind you, it was riding it around and around my living room, giggling the whole time. The next ride, well that was wonderful…and to make it even better…Dean Martin in my ipod.
The journey of the “The bike” is where I have been, where I am going, and the lesson learned. Even the very decision of “what bike to buy” is a journey. So here begin the journey…where it will take me, I don’t know? But I am excited for “the ride”.

Redeemed…Restored…Renewed

January 26, 2013 by tracierose
   

Redeemed… Restored… Renewed
What do these words mean to me? Where will they take me this year?
This past few months have been a little bit of a struggle for me. I have laughed A LOT, cried more often than I wanted to, been frustrated, overwhelmed, delighted, and challenged.
I think this will be a season of great change for me. But not sure what that change will look like.
The foremost thought on all of this is…I feel….??
Well, as women, sometimes it is hard to explain just HOW we feel…
I am NOT handling aging very well AT ALL. Three times in that last few months, I have been asked if I quailify for the “over 50” discount. I AM 47 PEOPLE!! J Then there is the extra few pounds that seem to NOT want to leave me, then “the glasses” . I have been using readers for a while, but it has gotten so bad that I finally had to go the eye doctor. So…now I will have to wear progressive lenses…which are a little BIGGER then I would like. May seem trivial, but everything is relative to who you are.
I have felt a pulling to this new “craft” of “Up doing” or “restoring”. I have been taking old items and made them new. Made them different and in my opinion beautiful. I have felt the Lord bless me in this, direct me in this and give me great ideas. He even inspired a name “A Simpler Life”. Yet so far it has been a bust in selling anything. Yet I still feel God has given me this craft, outlet and the creativity for it.
Now a new challenge has evolved it all…redeemed…restored…renewed! Does this not only have something to do with “my craft” but my heart too? My life, my attitude, my season?
Redeemed…Restored…Renewed…this is what my life needs…
More to come…